In my dreams
We get back together
You still love me
I can feel you hold me
I can feel you kiss me
It’s so easy to get lost
To never want to wake up
When waking up
Means remembering
It’s all a lie.

I never want to sleep again.

In another life
We’re just friends
Never more
My heart isn’t broken
I still believe in love
I don’t miss your laughter
Or long for your touch,
I’d rather be in that world
Than here.

There’s a life
Where you love me
Our puzzle is still whole
We’re starting on forever
Talking about marriage
Chasing dreams
And lifting each other up,
I’d rather be in that world
Than here.

If I could take the part of me
That’s still in love with you
And carve it off my bones
Burn it into unrecognizeable
Charred remains of erased memory
I’d trade the world to do it
To have faith in love again
To have faith in hope again
I can rebuild myself from a skeleton
More easily than from losing you

He replaced me
I am replaceable
Like a bookend
A figurehead
Waiting for real
For better
To take my place

Good enough?
Not me.

Here we are today
Closing in on a year
Since then
Since us
Became you and her
And we
Became me
Now you and her
Is you
And I…
I am still just me.

Who do I call now?
When the world spins
I used to call you
I used to need you
And now…
Here we are today.

Love yourself
Please.
Learn to look in the mirror
To own yourself
To own your past
And forgive yourself.

Please,
For you
For me,
Love yourself,
Please. 

There is a hole in the wall and a brick in my heart

And I can’t seem to get these two things apart

And all that it means is that I’m walking away

I’m walking away from your strangling chains

I’ll stare around the room and look down at the tomb

And it’s there in my mind but no where else

So take back your chains and take back your fame

It’s all done and gone again.

IT’S ALL DONE AND GONE.

AGAIN.

I’m walking a line, thin as my hair and I know

I know the balance that it takes to stay here

I can’t embrace dark and I can’t stand the light

The gray just looks so boring from here

And the wild is wild and so uncontrolled…

The Chaos…the chaos, it’s a step from the dark

It’s toxic and intoxicating, I knew it from the start

The beauty of the earth and the beauty of the sky

There’s a drug in the chaos, it makes everything change

As the fire and water and cold razor sharp tip

Of the feather, of the feather-lighting the air aflame.

Just a taste 
Of here and now
Of you and me
Of what can 
and cannot
Ever be.

Resting light
upon my soul
Pushing back
against letting go.

Stop
Haunting
Me.

This isn’t the last time I’ll say it
Or wake up angry at myself
In every dream you say you’re sorry
In every dream I take you back

Awake me isn’t that stupid
Awake me knows you’re an asshole
Dream me just wants an apology
Dream me wants to touch you again
Awake me wants vengeance
Awake me detests your existence

This isn’t the last dream I’ll have
Or even the last this week
In every dream you’re ‘you’ again
In every dream we’re ‘us’ again

Stop
Haunting
Me.