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Once
You were my world
I lived for you
Breathed for you
Studied your mind
Waited for the moments
The ones you remembered me
Shunned the times
I wondered if you knew my name
I still wonder that sometimes
I’ve called you many things
Ninja, Samurai, Beautiful Coward
You were my dream
Once.

It was one of those dreams
Where you wake up
Body covered in bits of blood
From a thousand invisible blades
Or maybe that’s my psychosis showing
How am I supposed to know
If I want the job before I have it
All I want is to be held until the fear fades
But your arms are more comfortable
Embracing a pillow than a ribcage
So I stare in the dark til the dream restarts
Waiting in vain for the black to replace the day

I made you out of dust and spit
I can break you back down again
Crush you into the dirt and mud
I dragged your form out of
When I made you a false idol
I had dreams beyond reality
But the rain washed you to rust
So I’m sweeping you out into the dark
Burning your remains in my heart
I’m starting over tomorrow again
This time I will stick to flesh and blood men.

Have I won enough of your affections back
To tag this “crap” and have you disagree
Did I slip down into the void again
Head aching for air beneath the surface
The rhythm slows the heart to beats
Fades away my wants and my needs
Til I drag the screws out from my knee
And crawl back into your limelight

There’s no switch
No way to shut off
The droning on
About everything
I’ve ever thought
Said, or done wrong
A mirror showing
Every flaw
Every scar
Etching away at
Picture perfect skin
My blood aches
Each cell heavy
Weighed down by sin
They light up in darkness
They speak up in silence
I wish they’d shut up
When I tell them
These damn cruel voices
Reminding me of my vices
Instead of letting me sleep

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